Unequally Yoked (Part 2)

What part do you play in your relationships? Are you overplaying your part?

A twist to the famous question “what do you bring to the table?” for sure. As disappointing as expectations tend to be, we still find ourselves expecting; from family, from friends, from lovers, from kids. You can defiantly say “I am the table” and you will be correct in your own right but hear me out. At the risk of sounding judgey, I must tell you a boy-meets-girl story.

On a cold and rainy August night, Femi and Ivy met. It was chemistry at first sight right across the bar at Abbey & Pan. A couple drinks and it was clear to everyone that these two were meant to be together. They started dating soon after and, as with every couple at first, wanted to always see each other. They decided to spend time together on the weekends.

photo credit: pinterest

Soon even that was not enough. Love and passion are two very strong feelings and they don’t always follow reason. December came and Femi and Ivy decided to move in together. It was beautiful at first and seemed to answer all their worries about being apart from each other. In their defense, we all have the penchant & proclivity to do same when we believe we’ve found ‘the one’. Slowly, but surely, the love dwindled for the couple. Femi decided he wanted more and began pondering the age-old “what do you bring to the table” question.

Unlike women, passion (if not love) evaporates quickly for men and they soon start thinking rationally. It wasn’t enough she cooked, it wasn’t enough she was there for him emotionally and well sexually. Something was missing and even he had no idea what was. All he knew and was sure about was he wanted more. Expectations. Femi & Ivy broke up, the details are far too ugly to recount however I will tell you that Ivy was given quick notice.

Being unequally yoked always reveals itself in time. Our only defense is to always be true to ourselves. Very cliche, I agree, but the truth nonetheless. Femi & Ivy weren’t mature enough to realize they both weren’t ready for that next step. It takes asking the right questions, both to yourself and to others. The answer to your question is not moving in together, it is not getting pregnant, and it is certainly not getting married. It is in finding yourself and meeting your own expectations. Do not overplay your part, instead be familiar with it.

The beautiful thing about this is that you choose your part. You are, and will always be, the main character of your life. All other persons are just supporting characters. It is difficult to know if we’re making the right decision but one way to know is the right choice will not leave you with more questions than answers.

To the woman reading this; You are both magic and medicine, do not waste your time proving this to any one. Prove it to yourself, the world will adjust. Go be that person, do not wait on or for any one. The only one who has to believe in you, is you. Be your own person and no one will be able to make you feel inadequate, because you know who you are. But more than that, you would have a firm intuition of what is and isn’t for you.

– Tammy

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